I’m really starting to wonder when exactly you KNOW you’re ready for baby number two. I mean, if anyone would ask me right now I would immediately say NO. Not yet. Gotta get G to sleep through the night first. Or at the very least, sleep more than 3 hours at a time. It’s been 8 months (minus 4 days) and multiple ear infections, and we’re still trying to figure it out.
Here I am complaining, and I really have no right to be! I have the most beautiful, happy, loving, smiley, social baby who is literally the most amazing blessing I could have ever imagined. I am SO blessed to be her momma, and I know that I couldn’t have it any better. I know that as soon as she finally does start sleeping through the night I will miss her. I will miss watching her sleep in my arms at 3 a.m. after waking me up by yelling (not crying… she rarely cries!) for me to come get her. Or on the nights that I’ve already been in and out of the nursery too many times and given in to bringing her to the bed… those nights I sometimes wake up at 3:30 a.m. to someone “playing” with my hair, or petting my face, or licking my stomach. 😛 and I know when those moments are no longer and she is sleeping peacefully in her bed all night long, I will MISS her! So I should be thankful for the sleepless nights, right?
Anyway, back to my original train of thought… that beloved baby number two. When do you REALLY know? I mean, I’m not ready. But when I see that post on facebook about my friend who just did their gender reveal, I can’t help but feel that TINY bit of jealousy! HOW EXCITING! That moment when you find out what that sweet babe you’re baking has got between his or her legs. Or that pin on pinterest about how to “surprise” your husband with the info that he’s going to be a daddy again! (Since a father’s day card a couple weeks early as you load up the car to leave for your honeymoon isn’t the ideal fun-filled surprise!) Or that AMAZING birth photography session your photographer friend posted that makes you SO regret not paying for one the first time (Note to expectant moms… don’t assume your mom AKA Grandma-to-be will be able to get all those great shots herself. You will end up with 250 pics of your puffy fluid filled face, your distressed lady parts, and too many unidentifiable objects that no one wants to see, but as soon as the babe comes out… NOTHING. No pics. Because instead of being the photographer and getting that sweet pic of your baby’s first cry or your husband’s sweet forehead kiss, she’s too busy being grandma!). I just can’t help but feel a little bit of that green monster coming out.
I’m not ready for baby #2. I barely get enough time to spend with my sweet little Gracie girl! I want her to get as much one-on-one time as she can before another Bryson Jr. comes along. Is it OK to be selfish in that way? I mean, when baby number 2 comes along, then it’s a whole different ballgame right? Is it normal to have all these wishy-washy feelings?! I love my baby girl. I want a million of them, but I want them all to be her. Does that make sense? How do you make more room in your heart for a second baby when it seems like she and her daddy are taking up every single bit of space in there?! I do want more babies. Maybe one more… maybe 3 more… I’m not sure yet. I don’t know if I ever will be sure. Or if I will ever be able to talk my sweet hubby into the crazy chaos of a large family. I’ve talked him into a lot of things lately, so maybe just waiting until he’s ready for another baby is the right idea ;).
What I AM sure of is that I’m not ready for that baby #2 yet. But I’m SO ready to have all those mushy, lovey, special, exciting, unforgettable moments again! Maybe we should just “let whatever happens, happen…” HA! That idea worked REAL well for us the first time around. AKA 3 weeks post wedding baby making… Check!
Baby Rahmann #2… I love ya. I can’t wait to meet ya and do all those exciting moments with you too. Someday soonish but not too soon.